Talking to children about emergencies without frightening them

Children notice when the grown-ups change something. Start carrying bottled water into a cupboard and buying torches, and sooner or later a child will ask whether something bad is going to happen. If nobody explains, they tend to fill the gap themselves, and what they imagine is usually worse than anything likely.

I'm not a child psychologist, so I lean on someone who is. The Mental Health Foundation publishes a short guide for parents, Talking to your children about scary world news, by the clinical psychologist Dr Camilla Rosan. It was written about the news, but most of it works for preparedness too. Here are the questions I'd expect, and how the guide helps with each.

"Is something bad going to happen?"

Answer with reasons. The guide suggests going through the reasons a child is safe, instead of telling them everything is fine and brushing the feeling aside. Something like: power cuts don't happen often and they're usually fixed within a day, and if one comes we've got water and torches ready, and we know what to do.

It also helps to say why you're doing it now. The government has asked every household to keep a few days of water and food at home, just in case, the same way most of us keep plasters in the bathroom cabinet.

"Can I watch the news about it?"

The guide says a news blackout is rarely helpful, because children hear things at school anyway. Large doses can make them fixate, though, so it recommends balance: small amounts, from a source you've checked, with time to talk afterwards.

The same question, for the third time

Children tend to repeat themselves when they feel uncertain or worried, the guide says, and they may need to ask several times before they feel reassured. So answer again, calmly, as if it were the first time. You're also allowed not to know. The guide says it's fine to go away, find out and come back to them, and to let them know it's normal to be concerned.

Different ages want different conversations. An older child may want to know how the power grid works, and a younger one whether you can still pray in the dark. Talk to them separately if that helps.

"Can I help?"

This part is my opinion, not the guide's. Worry is easier to carry when you have something useful to do, so I'd give every child a small job. An eight-year-old can keep a tally of the water bottles on a strip of masking tape inside the cupboard door and check it once a month. An older child can look after the radio, and even a three-year-old can be the torch helper.

In the Playbook we also suggest a Calm Box for each child: a shoebox of things that need no screen and no power, kept for a power cut or a practice evening so it stays special. A new colouring book or a story they haven't heard works well.

Where calm comes from

Allah tells us that hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah (Ar-Ra'd 13:28). Children take their cue from how we sound more than from what we say. If we prepare calmly and leave the rest with Allah, they learn that being ready and trusting Him belong together.

What I'm still unsure about

I don't know exactly where the line falls between preparing a child and handing them a worry they didn't need, and the guide doesn't claim to either. I'd still tell them a little, plainly, before they piece it together from the playground.

If a child's worry doesn't settle, or starts to affect their sleep or school, talk to their GP or their school. Children can call Childline free on 0800 1111.